Some Like It Hot

Hair color is one of the first things that a man observes about a woman. He immediately notices whether she is a blonde or a brunette. How could he not notice it? Very few women walk around with hairstyles that detract from their hair. In fact, most hairstyles are sculpted so that they draw the male´s attention to the hair. Society is full of blonde mavens and brunette vixens. In days gone by, the posters were of Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor. Today, you are likely to drool over pictures of Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra. Blonde and brunette, all so beautiful, yet so different. The artificiality of modern society has also crept into the world of hair colors. Many women decide to betray their true hair color in favor of an artificial dye. They believe that they do not conform to the masochistic stereotypes concerning hair colors.

Blondes are depicted as the insanely beautiful, while the brunettes´ beauty is not as striking yet just as powerful. Most blondes have a gorgeous figure, complemented by that irresistible hairstyle. Immediately, you are attracted to them. We males can not help ourselves. There is some higher force compelling us to gawk at these pillars of beauty. Whenever a pretty blonde walks down a crowded street, I see most of the male heads turning quickly with a faint (or not so faint) smile. However, the typical brunette wears glasses and has a short haircut. I guess we do not initially see them as a threat to our sensual side. If we give the brunette time, they grow on us. They pervade our entire sense of being until we can not handle it any longer. This gradual progression for our lust is probably propagated by the brunettes´ instinctive cunning. The women want us to submit to their whims. They may not overwhelm us in a second, but they will consume our thoughts if we give them that precious window of opportunity.

Most Y-chromosomers believe that blondes lack the requisite intelligence to succeed on their own merits, and brunettes seem to manage to achieve despite the inherent male bias against women in the workplace. How many dumb blonde jokes are out there? Probably more than there are men in this universe. How often have you had an intelligent conversation with a blonde? Okay, I´ll let you think about it for a while. How often have you had a remarkable conversation with a brunette? Someone that made you think, "Wow, that girl is deep..." after she departed and left you behind to ponder the erstwhile conversation. It has happened so many times that I do not even think it is unusual. The brunette is repressed because she represents the "geek" girl. Some men (I am unsure whether I can include myself in this category) do not like their women smarter than they are. They want an innocent beauty who will ask them for permission before she even takes her first breath in the morning. If you were to look at the roster of Dean´s List scholars at any University, chances are the female population is going to be well represented by brunettes. Maybe there will be a few blondes on the list. But, the first question out of my mouth would be, "Is she really a blonde?"

The advent of dyes (or as some remarkably vain shysters call them: rinses) has blurred the line between being a blonde or a brunette. There are many people crossing over to the other side. Whenever I see a blonde on the street, I doubt whether her color is real. Could there really be a brunette under that light-colored hair? It is not only the brunettes that are vain. Some real blondes try to masquerade themselves as brunettes. No matter what they do, they feel that the grass is always greener on the other side. Why is that? Why can´t a woman be happy as a blonde or a brunette? Nothing short of major plastic surgery and immense psychotherapy will ever let a blonde be a brunette or vice versa. How often do you hear about a man dying his hair (unless he is getting rid of his "premature" gray)? Almost never. Men are secure in their hair color. Why do women have to be so vain about it? Can´t they see that we will love them for the person that they are?

Of course, we say we love them for who they are, but isn´t it better to trot around with a hot blonde chick every once in a while? For a change of pace, we may want that suave brunette hanging on our every word. This is how we males achieve our power. Not by seduction - no, we are way too obtuse for that. Not by intuition - no, we have no clue what we are doing in this universe. Not by luck - we have succeeded way too many times to claim that we get lucky every once in a while. We achieve our power by brute force. We do not try to hide our enthusiasm for the opposite sex. We´ve tried. We can´t. We won´t. We gave up that dream years ago. Down in some deep recesses of the female heart, they all go pitter-patter when the male makes a fool out of himself. It is who we are.

Due to the male´s incessant attention, almost every woman has a fascination with vanity. It is the rare exception if a woman doesn´t have painted nails and a perm or straightener (depending on whether her hair is curly or not). If a man were to brave the wilderness of the feminine beauty care enterprise, he would be deluged by women of all shapes and sizes cooing over the latest and greatest nail polish. It is truly something that transcends hair color. Something must be ingrained into that little extra snippet of chromosome regarding vanity. The perfect example of a woman´s vanity is how long they take to get ready for a date. Oh, the countless hours wasted by the boy waiting for the girl to finish getting "ready." He could take her out for dinner and two movies by the time she is finally ready. But, it seems that males pay so much attention to female beauty, that women feel an obligation to look their best. As they say, Rome wasn´t built in a day. Neither was Rosie dressed in a day.

If we were to sit and count all of the items that a woman uses to make herself look good, it would take years, if not millennia, to catalog them all. Let´s just take a quick look at what we have here. You have your mascara to add a little color above or below the eyelashes. I´ve heard they now even have hair mascara that you add to your hair to accent your main color (oh, boy, ¾ blonde, ¼ brunette - talk about confusing). You have your lipstick to either make your lips more or less pouty. You have the foundation which is applied to the cheeks to achieve a more natural look. You have the dreaded panty hose (if they are so despised, why have them?). Then comes the coup d'état: the shoes.

The shoes finish the ensemble. Most women love those high heels. They even love the platform shoes. There is also a faction that adores the simplicity of the plain ol´ flat shoe. With respect to the other pieces, the shoes complete the wardrobe. No matter who she claims to be, the shoe is just as important as the lipstick and mascara. Most women have hundreds if not thousands of shoes (a slight exaggeration, but you get the point). When some women get depressed, they call all of their girlfriends and they all go out to buy new shoes. I can not understand this lurid fascination, but I am only a man. What could feel good about spending $150 on shoes that may only get worn once or twice in their lifetime? But, this is not something that is condoned by any hair color or style. No, it is universal. It is a declaration of a woman´s power and freedom. How many guys can resist a killer blonde with six-inch platform shoes and a short mini-skirt? Can you resist the power of a sexy brunette walking down the street in an elegant business suit with a modest pair of heels? For sure, any woman attired with the proper shoes is in control of her own destiny.

They say women are the fairer sex. It is probably true. No matter the hair color, a woman always seems to have more class than any debonair man. Yet, women are fiercely competitive about their looks. Most of them refuse to be original or true to themselves. Most women blatantly copy the hairstyle of a famous actress or model (the most recent craze was over Jennifer Aniston´s hair-do). Very few women are daring about their looks. But, when a woman sticks out in a crowd, she is more liable to be noticed by the males. It may be a unique hairstyle or flashy clothes. It is something that she must find on her own. When she finally receives the males´ attention, she must snare it. Then, she is faced with an enormous decision - whether or not to let them escape with their lives.

It is interesting to note that a woman´s environment may be more influential than her genes. Midwestern women seem to lack the instinct for snaring a man with one killer look. They seem to thrive on nibbling away at his rational side until they captivate it. In Dallas, women love enthralling men with their looks in one fell swoop. I lived in Dallas for more than sixteen years. I became accustomed to the ritzy, glamorous style that Texas women exude. They were beautiful, they knew it, and they taunted the local males every chance they had. As one of my classmates pointed out, they have "big hair" in Big D. The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (revered by almost every male within two hundred miles of Texas Stadium) are a staple of the Dallas landscape. The Dallas Cowboys are not discriminatory against any women: blonde or brunette. The candidates only have to share one common feature: stunning beauty. When I moved to the Midwest, it was totally different. Many women don´t put on makeup or wear fancy clothes. Most of the Corn-Belt girls go out on a date sporting a sparse amount of makeup. Very few of these women would even fathom dying their hair. If you were to take the average Dallas male and throw him into the heart of the Midwest, he would balk and complain about how homely the women are up here. But, having been here for some time now, I now think that these Midwest women are growing on me. Maybe it is because there is nothing else to look at, so my ideal woman metamorphoses to a stereotypical Midwestern girl. But, why do the Midwestern girls act like this? I can attribute this to either one of two things: pride or security.

One possible reason that the women in the Midwest don´t take pride in themselves is because they are secure in the fact that they are beautiful in their own right. Or, is it that the Dallasites take pride in their hair and body and want to showcase it by wearing makeup and stunning clothes because they are secure in their beauty? It is a tough question and I am not sure that I can answer it. In any case, the Midwest woman has an apparent lack of pride or tremendous security that definitely blurs the line between blondes and brunettes. Dallas, however, takes the stereotype to the extreme. The difference between blondes and brunettes is everything I am making it out to be. I know that neither is a true representation of reality, but as a writer, I can only draw from my own experiences. I am sure somewhere there exists the happy medium, but I could not even tell you where to begin to look.

No matter the hair color, blonde or brunette, fake or not, most males only put on a show about how they like a certain hair color. To all but the most superficial, it really doesn´t matter. When it is love, all of the physical traits are overcome by the emotional attraction between the lovers. When a man has finally found his chosen one, she could have pink hair and it probably wouldn´t faze him in the least. It is who she is at her core that makes a difference. But, don´t make the mistake of thinking that hair color doesn´t play any factor in it. It does.

Last Modified Sunday, 05-Aug-2018 12:55:57 EDT These pages were made by Justin R. Erenkrantz unless otherwise stated. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. These pages will look best in an XHTML 1.0 compliant browser.